Are You Living From Awareness or Walls?Oct 12, 2021
“It’s better to have awareness than walls.”
The First Time
I remember the first time somebody broke through my wall.
It was in college.
It was a friend who asked simply, “are you okay?”
Experiences like that day are called moments of clarity. Have you ever had one?
I’m talking about when your ordinary life...suddenly looks different.
Do you ever stop to think how impossible it is to see life differently?
How hard is it to change your mind?
I was so used to not paying attention to whether I was okay. It was a basis of my life!
How astonishing that someone opened my awareness.
And, no, I wasn’t okay!
Home and My Family
Back then I was just realizing the abuse I suffered as a young person. It was a chronic, overwhelming experience.
It was The Cage.
The Cage - the system of automatic behaviors, beliefs, patterns that spring from the lies of abuse - is automatic.
It’s an empty pattern.
Unfortunately, we can carry it into the present. And that means we can carry it into family, even into parenting.
What’s the alternative?
Well, let me put the question to you: “how are you doing?”
In your parenting, is there anything that feels automatic and unthinking?
Even more important, what feels outsized, bigger than necessary?
As a parent, do you ever feel a giant reaction?
Do you ever wonder where that giant reaction is coming from?
It’s probably not from your daughter’s bad grade! Or the mess your son made!
Let’s go even deeper down.
As a loving parent, do you ever feel like you’re unlovable?
When correcting your child, do you ever feel like you’re the one who should be ashamed?
When you’re a parent, you have power: the power to set house rules, the power to teach your child right and wrong.
But maybe you feel strangely disempowered.
The answer to misplaced feelings like this is...what else? The worthwhile but sometimes scary work of awareness.
The answer is quietly looking inside, even inquiring of those hard feelings, “well, what are you trying to show me?”
The answer is deep breaths, with one hand on your chest and one hand on your public bone.
The answer is talking about it with a friend, and asking for help.
Where do those big, negative feelings lead?
They can be a weapon against the people around you, or they can be the door leading to greater presence.
I’m always here to help.
Remember: It’s better to have awareness than walls.
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