Getting Right With You

Needs and Relationships

Everybody has needs! So of course we have needs in relationships.

Food, laughter, comfort, cleanliness, outdoors, friends, colleagues. Needs everywhere!

But those are the external. The world around you.

But you're the common denominator.

So let’s talk about you.

Sometimes you grow up in lack, and you have a lot of needs. 

Do you identify with that?

You might get really emotional if your needs aren’t met.

You act out. You lash out, you nag, you fuss, you start acting like an argumentative lawyer.

It’s likely connected to your past.

Maybe it was a death in the family, or a bad breakup, your parents’ divorce, or some other disappointment.

Make note of your past. Don’t live in it, just notice it.

Cause we’re living in the PRESENT.

Feeling and Accepting Our Needs

I have lots of exercises in my books, especially in Radically Alive Beyond Abuse, that help you discover your own needs. Cause most people are in the dark about all that! They never consider their own needs!

A lot of people have lived surrounded by people…who didn’t care about their needs. Quite a wonder, but it’s true.

That makes relationships tricky, eh? How do you even know what your needs are?! How do you find the way to relationship with someone who sees you, who acknowledges you, who loves you?!

Here's a quick exercise:

Write down ten things you need.

I know the word ‘need’ is a little intense. But it’s useful.

Look inside, and you’ll see you do have “non-negotiables.”

We could also use the term "what do I like?"

Let me give an example from my own life.

I need physical activity. I need some physical movement - I call it body artistry.

And I like getting up early and having my creation time.

I address the big questions of the day, like what I want to do, what my goals are for the day.

And I need to check in financially and energetically with life, with what's next. I just check in energetically.

Why talk about myself? Good question!

Getting Right With You

In my perspective – more importantly, in my experience – if you get right with YOU, you start attracting the people, events, and circumstances that WORK. 

It's all about what you'd like to have. 

And you can start anywhere! 

You can start with clothes! That's a big one for me: I only wear clothes that are SOFT. 

And shoes? Wow, those are so important. I just like comfort.

Again, this is probably something to do with my past. I grew up without a lot of comfort. 

Also related to this, I like space, I like asking my body what it requires.

And I like people in my life being interconnected with me - I give to them and they to me.

I've been around too many vampires, energy suckers. Yep, you guessed it – I grew up with them.

And the Other Thing

Now to my next point - write down what you DON'T need anymore. You're probably over the vampires too!

Last but not least…

What brings you joy? 

What do you want MORE of?!

That's the benefit of discovering your needs.

Listen, you know what I need? I need to remind you: if nobody’s told you they love you today, I do!

This post was inspired by an this episode on YouTube